


Sundering

by pasunedame



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Depression, Gen, Sailing To Valinor, Suicidal Thoughts, Third Age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 04:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17196713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasunedame/pseuds/pasunedame
Summary: Celebrían, at sea.





	Sundering

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: general bleakness and suicidal thoughts.

If asked, Celebrían would say she remember nothing of her first few days aboard the ship.

She spent most of the time either sleeping or wishing she was asleep on her bed, down in her cabin. Sleeping draughts were plentiful, and whenever her thoughts became too unbearable she would drink them and fall into blissfully dreamless sleep. Her handmaiden chatted incessantly of the sights form the dock above, trying to cajole Celebrían to get up. She said nothing, but she wished she had – it was unfair to let Thaldis keep trying, when Celebrían knew her efforts were in vain.

She barely remembered the trip to the Havens itself. 

One night, when she was sure the docks were empty, she finally got up and went upstairs. It was quite a dark night. There was a scattering of clouds covering the stars above, dimming their light. But gazing at the stars pained her, so Celebrían looked down at the sea instead.

She was a tiny insignificant thing on a tiny insignificant ship floating on the vast endless ocean. No matter where she looked, there was no other thing in sight – only the dark water surrounding them. If the ship sunk, no one would know. 

She remembered, suddenly, Círdan’s stories about the sea. They were stories from long ago, back when Celebrían was still whole and not a fading husk of a person. They were stories told in front of a warm fireplace with your loved ones surrounding you. She remembered he talked about how, when the sun was shining brightly, you could dive and see so many colourful fish swimming among the coral reef. He said, you have no idea how many colours there are down at the sea, almost as many as there are in the woods.

No such colours exist now. The water was dark, darker than even the water in the lake had been. The moon was covered by the clouds. Light was – rare.

Círdan said you could see quite clearly on those days, because sunlight penetrated quite far down the sea. She guessed it did on the shores, but certainly not here where the water was so deep. It had to be very deep indeed to cover even the tall mountains of Beleriand. 

The story of Beleriand used to give her nightmares, back when she was little, until Celeborn and Galadriel assured her that people had been given ample warning to leave before the Valar sunk the land. She wondered, for the first time, whether there were people who heard the warning but decided to stay nonetheless – people who had lost everything and so had nothing more to lose by staying in a land doomed to drown beneath the waves.

She wondered, if she locked a pair of shackles to her ankles, how long would it take for her to sink into the bottom of the sea.

A very long time, she decided.

She went back down to her cabin and took the sleeping draught.

*

Far, but visible to the eye, was the silhouette of an island – Tol Eressëa. Thaldis tried to rouse her spirit by pointing out that Celebrían would meet her grandparents for the first time and how delighted they would be to finally meet their daughter’s daughter – but it only reminded her of the children she left behind and she pulled the blanket over her head. 

Closer, they could see other sights: buildings and ships and towers. 

One tower on the north caught her eye. Seagulls flew around it, more so than other towers. On the railing outside the top of the tower a woman stood. 

Celebrían fixed her sight on the woman, and as their ship sailed closer, she could make out her features.

The woman had Elrond’s hair and eyes.


End file.
